52 weeks – 7 months – Thursday October 22nd, 2015
I have been in a very reflective place lately both in my work and in my personal life. Reflective on the human condition, why we get into our specific patterns, our judgments of self and others, our habits and dependencies. What we do when we are stressed, how mindfulness and awareness can change so much. How important gratitude is, how empathy and compassion to self and others is key. I have realized that however much we grow, there will still be much growing to do. That this journey of self growth is never ending, and the journey is the richest part. I am lucky that my professional work life allows me the opportunity to think about these things. I find this to be the spice of life.
I also feel that what I have been through the last 3 years has helped me to slow down and really assess this life we are living. What the point and purpose is, and how the end goal is the same for all of us. No matter what happens in this life, we will all, eventually move on….
When I take a deep breathe and really think about that concept I find a sense of courage and freedom. I remember that I should live fully, not striving for perfection or happiness, but enjoying all the ups and downs, the connections, the adventure.
7 months ago today was the last full day I would spend with my father. He passed away on March 23, 2015. I think back upon that day and I cannot even fully remember it. It was all so surreal. Life was spinning. But, the moment of his death I will never forget. My dad was a fighter, a soldier – til the end. He would not give up or give in. When his body was slowing down and we knew it was hours left, I decided to open one of my Dads finest bottles of wine. We did a toast, all of us together, I put some wine on his lips, and he took his last breathe….
What a way to go! Saying l’chaim with wine surrounded by the people that matter the most. The people that gave your life its fabric. Surrounded by the love in this life, to carry you over to the next one. To toast life and then exit…
My heart aches a lot the last few days. It always seems to hurt more lately the few days before a month mark. It is funny that no matter what my head tells me – my body never lies. When my heart aches – I know I am missing my Dad. I know that I likely need to face something, or release something or both.
7 months later and what have I learned? That life with all its twists and turns and ups and downs – is beautiful. That angels are real, that grief SUCKS and hurts and spins you around, that family and friends get you through. I have learned to breathe, to believe, to feel pain, to SURRENDER. I have learned that no matter what – always Return, to love.
Song for this week: