Week 13 – 52 Weeks, A Blog Dedicated To Lionel Larry

Week 13 – Monday June 22, 2015

“You will lose someone you can’t live without,and your heart will be badly broken, and the bad news is that you never completely get over the loss of your beloved. But this is also the good news. They live forever in your broken heart that doesn’t seal back up. And you come through. It’s like having a broken leg that never heals perfectly—that still hurts when the weather gets cold, but you learn to dance with the limp.”
―Anne Lamott

I stumbled upon this quote, that helped to give me hope after a first that was really, deeply painful and sad.  The first Fathers day without a Father.  Even writing that, it does not feel real.  As a family we did it, but it was really rough.  I do not really know how to express it yet – so I will just leave you with this quote.  This quote could have been written by my father himself, because this was his attitude, this was how he lived life, and this is how he would have wanted us to do grief!  He would want us to dance – FREE and often!  Like no one was watching.   It gives hope, it has the energy of my Dad, and I hope to be able journey their soon – in time.  I hope that everyone reading this had a beautiful Fathers Day.  I hope you were able to feel gratitude for all that you have, taking nothing for granted.  I know that my deep void was filled with so many blessings I am grateful for.  It is what keeps you going.  It is all perspective.  It is all part of this crazy journey.  Love is the one thing that keeps us connected.  I am grateful for the Father that I will now celebrate each Fathers day – my amazing husband.  My Dad told me before he died, that if he could have hand picked someone for me, it would have been my husband Daniel.  I feel as though he did play a part, and I would not be able to get through this without him.

Dad, I missed you yesterday deeply, and I miss you today just as deeply.  It is really hard.  By far the most remarkable challenge I have ever faced in my 34 years.  I admire your fight through your cancer even more now.    I promise to try to start dancing, loving and living to the best of my ability without you physically here to guide me.  I promise to keep you close to my heart always – you are inside me.   I hope you know how much we all love you.

Til Next week,

Jodi

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